I decided that I what I might need is someone to talk to. Someone to help me comes to terms with how to handle the negative thoughts I have in my head. And since I have insurance that gives me access to therapists for a decent co-pay, I might as well take advantage of that.
Dealing with infertility is very mentally exhausting. There are ups and downs almost every single day. You try to teach yourself to be optimistic without being overly optimistic and without coming across as pessimistic. The line is narrow between wanting to be excited after each appointment and telling yourself that it might not work this time either. People might tell you to think positive but how do you continue to think positive after failure after failure? Money is being spent left and right. Sick time is being used and you might be getting questioned from your boss on why you are taking so much time off of work. Family and friends who don't know what you are going through pepper you with questions about when you are having kids.
It is a lot to take in at once. I'm excited to take this step to sort out these thoughts in my head and hopefully come to some peaceful decision about how I will handle each month that passes by.