Over the past year, I've tried really hard to come up with some comparison for how much pain I feel each month that I'm not pregnant. For the common person (who is fertile and had no problem conceiving) I don't think they can fully understand how much it hurts. I'm sure they can imagine how much it would suck not having a baby but the pain behind it is almost indescribable.
It isn't just broken heart pain. It is physical pain from shots and blood draws. It is emotional pain from imagining your life without kids. It is the kind of pain that distracts you from your job and makes you cry on your way to work. It is isolating pain that causes you to turn down invitations to social events when you know women who have kids will be there and talking about motherhood. It is all encompassing. I can't personally think of anything that I have experienced that compares to that.
But as far as the frustrating side goes, I think I came up with a comparison.
Imagine you want to lose weight. Not just 10 pounds but 50 pounds. You want to lose 50 pounds within 6 months. 8 pounds per month, 2 pounds per week. Doable. You mentally prepare yourself for the challenge. You talk to your doctor who gives you advice. You buy a food scale, new workout clothes and a gym membership. You dedicate yourself to only eating healthy foods but allow yourself to have a small, low calorie snack a few times a week. You are mixing cardio, resistance training and even some tennis, basketball and workout dvd's. You are doing everything that you should to lose 2 pounds a week. Eat less, move more.
The first month goes by and you have lost zero pounds. Another month goes by....zero pounds lost. You are busting your butt to lose weight but nothing in happening. Nothing. No inches lost, no pounds gone. Your body just isn't doing what it is supposed to be doing. You see your doctor who has no answers for you. Bloodwork doesn't show any strange issues. He suggests a few diet changes but has no real answers on why the weight isn't coming off. You are getting frustrated at your lack of results. You are doing everything you should be doing but nothing is working. Can you understand how horrible that would be?
This is infertility. Sometimes, there are no answers. Sometimes, you do exactly what the doctor says but your body has a different plan. You aren't sure where things are falling apart or why this tried and true method isn't working. Imagine doing everything you can to lose weight over a 6 month period and when you reach 6 months, you have lost ZERO pounds.
Now imagine doing that over 24 months and still....zero pounds. It would be enough to drive you insane. That is infertility. I hope I'm making this clear that I am in NO WAY saying that trying to lose weight compares to trying unsuccessfully to have a baby. I'm saying that the frustration of not getting the results you want despite doing everything you should be doing is on the same level. I hope that people who have not had to deal with infertility can understand that side of what we are going through.