Tuesday, April 12, 2011

TTC Tuesday: The Next Step

I had this big, long, whiny post scheduled for today that I wrote last week but I deleted it. It was too pathetic. I wrote it the day after I got the call that my blood test for IUI was negative and two days after I took a home pregnancy test telling me the same results. It wasn't a good week to say the least. I had a lot of "why me, it's not fair" moments in which I sounded like a 5 year old who doesn't get what she wants. Wah, wah, wah.

I'm trying to get back to normal but I had my first doctor appointment for a new cycle this morning and that always makes me sad. Considering the protocal for the last 3 IUI's didn't work, the doctor is adding in injectable medicine. When I asked what the difference is, my doctor explained that sometimes, the oral meds don't do enough towards the end of the 5 days of dosage to really build up each follicle that is growing. Taking injectable meds gives the follies an extra boost at the end to hopefully get them where the doctors would like to see them. Luckily, I'm used to giving myself injections so giving myself two extra shots isn't a big deal. I go back in next Monday for a follow-up to see how I responded to the meds.

I have to be honest. It is getting a bit more difficult to be that person that counts her blessings. I continue trying really hard to appreciate my everyday life and the things that I can do. This past weekend I was able to:
1. Help my cousin and her husband move into their first house
2. Babysit my nieces which included giving them dinner, playing school, getting them ready for bed and reading stories
3. Sleeping in until 8:00 a.m.
4. Stepping up and playing softball when my old softball team needed another girl to play. I also managed to get on base multiple times and hit the crap out of the ball. All very exciting. Except I can barely walk today from all the running. Oh, it was a double header.

While infertility and everything that comes along with it does take up a lot of space in my brain, my life isn't so bad. I'm trying to remember that every single day but especially days like today when reality hits me that I'm starting yet another fertility cycle.


kl said...

Hi Michelle-
I stumbled upon your blog a while back and now I enjoy reading it weekly! I have been reading about your infertility struggles and just wanted to tell you that I feel for you and understand. I had very similar struggles, although only for one year. I wanted to give you some hope! I was ony very last month or treatments before the doc said my ovaries couldn't take more so I would have to stop. I was terrified and defeated before the month was even over. I basically stopped trying even though I had one cycle left. Well, that cycle the only thing I did was take robitussin expectorant twice a day from the last day of my period until the day after ovulation. I read that sometimes these treatments make your cf "hostile". I dont know if you have heard about it, but I swear that this little bottle mixed with the medicines gave me my beautiful daughter! I remember bawling my eyes out each month I tested negative, and I feel for you every time I read your post. Just thought I would share my little "trick". I asked my doc, of course after I had done it because I didn't want her to say that was ridiculous, but she actually has started telling patients my story!

runningonwords said...

Oh Michelle, I wish I had something brilliant and comforting to say. Honestly, I'm so depressed about being in the same situation that it is getting hard to function. I hope that the injectibles do the trick and you get your BFP next cycle!

Angie said...

i know how your feeling. seriously, some days i'm okay...most days this infertility struggle consumes my thoughts ALL effin day. it sucks. bad.

sending you hugs i really hope next cycle you'll get ur bfp.


Kimberly Michelle said...

i love you and your strength and eternal sunshine. :)

The Jesse said...

i really have no idea what you are going through / feeling ... but i want you to know that i am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.