Thursday, September 8, 2011

Stagnant and Undecided

It has been a lovely summer free of decisions and choices and thought. The biggest decision we made this summer was where to go to lunch in Washington D.C. and who is going to clean the kitchen.

But in the back of my mind, thoughts of doctor appointments, fertility medications and stirrups fill my mind. And if I can be completely honest, having these topics free from the forefront of my thoughts has been quite pleasant. Trying to make a baby is stressful. I've enjoyed not worrying about taking sick time from work and injecting myself with needles and handing over mucho dinero for appointments and prescriptions.

The conflict arises when I realize that we are without a baby and unless I make a doctor appointment, we will continue to be without a baby. The pain of those negative pregnancy tests still hurt my heart. And even now, each arrival of my period is another reminder that we can't do this on our own but we also haven't had success with medical intervention. What is the answer? I think we might only have a couple more shots at the treatments that we can afford before our doctor will most likely throw out the big, expensive letters.

I.V.F. :gulp:

We have a lot to think about and a lot to act on and I'm not sure when this part of the roller coaster will end.

1 comment:

Christy said...

Good luck with all the decision making. I know how you feel, we took a break and it was definitely nice to not have that looming over our heads. We are at the same point, and it freaks me out too!