Monday, October 17, 2011

A family of two (humans)

Two weekends ago when we went to the pumpkin patch, it was overwhelming to me that I was among tons of children and their parents. My husband and I wandered around, chasing our nieces having a good time but I would be lying if I said I didn't feel some pain in my heart over the fact that we didn't have kids of our own to watch play in the corn bath and help climb to the top of the hay stack.

Such a good uncle

As we sat in the parking lot waiting for my sister and her family to arrive, I watched moms and dads push strollers and hold tiny little hands towards the orange see of pumpkins. I said to my husband that had our first IUI been a success back in January, we would have been among the parents at the patch. Heck, maybe our child would have been too small and we might have just stayed home with him/her. Instead, we sat together, just our family of two. When we got home that morning, I went upstairs to rest and I cried. I cried over what I don't have even though I have pledged many times to spend my time appreciating what I do have. 

This past weekend, we made the trip to Apple Hill. In all my time living in Northern California, I had never visited Apple Hill and was really looking forward to it. We had such a good time driving on the narrow two lane roads from orchard to orchard, eating treats and people watching. It was a beautiful day.

High Hill Ranch Placerville, CA

El Dorado Orchards Camino, CA

Kids, Inc Camino, CA

Pumpkins at Abel's Apple Acres Placerville, CA


Our friends Mayra and Sean met us at High Hill Ranch where we ate lunch, I drank a caramel apple milkshake and we just enjoyed the scenery before heading off to visit a few more orchards. The crowds grew as the day went on and I said it would be nice if they had an adults only day! I think some of that stemmed from the fact that again, we were some of the only people not to have kids. In some circumstances, I didn't mind. Hearing kids scream and beg their parents for this or that made me happy for a second that we could enjoy a day trip without worrying about packing 10 pounds of gear and we were in and out of the car pretty quickly at each stop.

I thought about it on the long drive home and decided once again that I have to chose my attitude. A nice day with my husband and our friends is what life is about right now. Am I sad that I didn't have a baby to plop on a pumpkin for an adorable photo opp? Yes, a little. But I'm pretty content with our family of two (humans) and one kitty....

From a High Angle: Day 5


Patty said...

Hugs. Oh how I know what you mean.

andrea said...

Lots of hugs M. I know how you feel.

Brant and Amanda said...

I totally know how u feel. I am so grateful for my hubby and my baby boy patches ( our dog). I just wish I could take him everywhere with us. There are so many things I could say but some of them I don't believe right now so I will save them for later.

"V" said...

A good cry every so often is good for you. Hugs to you.

Angie said...

seeing the way the hubby interacts with little ones breaks ones heart a tiny bit more...
i'm there with you . huge huge hugs.

Stefanie K. said...

Thinking of, and always always pulling for you, Michelle. I'm so sorry for your pain, and appreciate that you share it so freely. Hugs to you.

KK @ Running Through Life said...

Hugs M. I know how you feel.

The Jesse said...

Even though I do not know what you are going through, my heart aches for you and I'm so sorry for the pain you are going through.