We sat at the table in our kitchen, eating turkey burgers off of paper plates. The topic that we have avoided for months came up.
"What are we going to do. We still want to have kids right?" I said, a little scared of the answer.
"Yeah, of course!" the reply that made my heart skip a beat while my stomach did flips and my brain screamed what my mouth didn't want to ask.
"Well, when? What we are going to do? What if it doesn't work again? It is just so tough." I held back tears.
"Well, then we live our lives. Yes, it is something that I want but if we try everything we can and it doesn't work out, I can't be upset over something I can't control."
Men. Why are they so emotionless and practical. So very practical. As if I have a practical bone in my body when it comes to my desire, my need, my wish to have a child.
The tears roll down my face. I explain that I just can't imagine that and I want to have kids. It hurts me deep inside imagining our lives without them.
"Why do we have this big house? What's the point?" I was starting to "kitchen sink". You know, when you throw everything out there because being practical just isn't in the cards, as discussed above.
"We have this big house because we can. And you know what, our lives will still be full. We will have each other and travel and do fun things. Our lives will be full no matter what the outcome."
Our lives will be full. Have more beautiful words ever been spoken? Did it leave me feeling better? No. I'm still feeling lost about this whole thing. I still feel broken but my practical husband and his calming words have comforted me.
Our lives will be full. We will make sure of that. Together.