Friday, December 9, 2011

#WEverb11: #8 and #9

#8 Choose

What was the biggest choice you made in 2011? What caused you to choose what you chose?

This year, I made the choice to keep going. We underwent our first IUI on January 8th. When it didn't work, we did another in February. When that didn't work, we took a month off before trying two more times. We chose to keep trying. To keep believing that the next one, that would be the one that worked.

But that didn't happen and sadly, I became so numb to the failure of these procedures that the last one didn't even phase me. How sad it that!? A 4th failed IUI, this time with injectable medication costing more money and time to use, didn't leave me all that disappointed. I was more angry and upset at #1, #2 and #3 for not working. By #4, I just figured my body sucked.

So another choice was made. We chose to stop. We chose to live. We chose to spend our time together happily instead of being stressed and overwhelmed by the decisions that infertility causes you to make. It has been nearly 7 months since we underwent a treatment and I'm feeling a little anxious but that choice we made, first to undergo these procedures at all, then to keep going and then to eventually stop resulted in a happier 2011. Memories. Love. Relaxation.

#9 Appreciate

In which moment did you find yourself flooded with gratitude? How will you rally around gratitude in 2012?

 It was July 28. We were on a walking tour of the World Trade Center site in New York. Our tour guide, Julie, was talking about how she lost her husband when United Airlines Flight 175 crashed into the South Tower. She talked about how he left her a message, a message that was printed at the Tribute WTC Visitors Center, a message I had read and cried next to just minutes earlier. Julie talked about how incredible her husband was. They had only been married a few years.

I sat next to my husband while Julie was talking and as a wife, my heart broke. I held his hand and realized that she would never hold Brian's hand again. While retelling this story, which I'm sure she has told hundreds of times over the past 10 years, she got tears in her eyes but explained that she loves talking about him because it keeps him alive.

I felt grateful for so many things in that moment. Grateful that we went on this tour so I could hear Julie's story. Grateful that she, a stranger to me, was remarried with a couple of kids. Grateful that I didn't personally know anyone that day in September because the pain and grief I felt for others was overwhelmingly painful. Grateful for my husband and my family. Grateful for the ability to take a week long vacation across the country. It poured out of my heart as I sat and listened to her talk. I couldn't take my eyes off of her. Her strength was incredible.

I hope to show more gratitude to people who really deserve it in 2012. People do so much good for the world and since I share this earth with them, they should be thanked and told how important they are.

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