Tuesday, March 27, 2012

People are Morons: The Proof

 I approached the secretary’s desk at the school I visit once a week for almost an entire school year.

“Oh, I didn’t know you were having a baby.” She says to me and as I’m hearing it, I’m hoping she will stop before she says those magic words “having a baby.”

“No, I’m not pregnant” I respond in a chipper voice despite the rage I feel growing inside my empty of a child uterus, “just chubby.”

The secretary does something worse than make the above statement. She tilts her head to the side and squints. The look says to me: “Are you sure?” She thought I was lying to her. As if I owed her this news. Why are you keeping it a secret from me, the look told me, you are obviously showing, its okay for people to know!

I could have just ignored that and not felt a need to press on but I did.

“No, not pregnant at all. No way I can be with the things going on right now.” I made a circular motion around my stomach. I figured she would understand that I meant I was currently on my period since she is a female and we usually “get” those roundabout ways of talking. And she was already all up in my uterus business so why would I care if she knew I was on my rag? I didn’t.

But she didn’t understand. She continued her head  tilt and said “is everything okay?”

“Yes” I said puzzled. I have spoken to this lady maybe two times in the 4 years I’ve been visiting this school. She asked again.

“Is everything okay with you?” Her head must be made of mush.

“Yup.” I retrieved the paper I was waiting to have photocopied and walked out the door. Trying to hold it together until I got to my car but the tears poured out before I could sit down inside.

This isn’t the first time I’ve had strangers assume I was pregnant. It has happened at least 5 or 6 times.

I always come up with those awesome responses after I leave a situation:

“Oh, I didn’t know you were having a baby.”

1. “Me neither!Thanks so much for being my OB/GYN and telling me! I had no idea you had the kind of vision that allows you to see into a woman’s uterus. Wonderful news!”

2. “I’m not but I have been trying for 3 years so maybe my body is taking the shape of a pregnant woman without actually getting to have the baby. Sucks, right? Especially when people like you say dumb crap like that.”

3. I would type out my husband’s response but it is not appropriate.

So just in case these stories haven’t convinced you otherwise, NEVER EVER EVER ask or assume a woman is pregnant until her water breaks on your shoes. Even then don’t assume because maybe she just has a weak bladder.

 Here is what I was wearing that day. STOP THE PRESSES: I don't have a flat stomach! Sure, maybe vertical stripes really do suck but I like them and don't feel like I look pregnant at all. Not enough to warrant being told that I am pregnant. People starting showing at what, 3 months? So I look three months pregnant. Great. Awesome.


Angie said...

omg! i love how that looks on you.

also- people are idiots.

sorry :(

Our Wired Lives said...

OMG... what a freaking idiot! I like your alternative responses. It really sucks that you have to have responses waiting in the wing because people are idiots. I'd like to add another response..

- I'm not pregnant, but when are you due? It doesn't feel good to have people make assumptions about you does it?

So sorry you have to deal with this BS.

KK @ Running Through Life said...

You look fantastic!

runningonwordsblog.com said...

WTF, you don't look pregnant AT ALL. And that's just an inappropriate comment to make anyways. It's none of her business if you had been trying to hide a pregnancy. Sheesh.

Heather said...

People are idiots! You look great.

Ethan's daycare lady said that to me once, and actually touched my stomach when she did. I totally lost it afterward.

Alison said...

For the record... I think you look GREAT! And that woman was being an Ass!!