Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Making the Call

The other night, I had a bit of a breakdown. Break through? Breakdown. (opposite quote from one of my favorite movies; name it!)

It was about the state of my uterus. Still empty for those of you on Uterus Watch. There was another pregnancy announcement on Facebook and it sort of sent me into a tailspin. While feeling happy for this family, I feel more and more behind in the game of life. People moving onto a different phase and me, sitting pretty, waving in the rear view mirror as they juggle the joys of parenthood.

Cue tears. Massive tears. Cue my husband coming home from the gym, seeing me sitting on the couch crying. We had a very good, very helpful, very reassuring conversation. He listened as I said things that were very difficult to say. I listened as he said things that I needed to hear. And besides the fact that our conversation assured me that I have the best husband ever, I realized something else...

It is time for me to get some help. The range of emotions a person goes through when dealing with Infertility is bigger than the human mind can handle, in my opinion. I can't process the failures by myself. I can't cope with the uncertainty. And bless his heart but my husband doesn't have the emotional range that I have. His "black and white" feelings don't help when I'm exploring every color of the rainbow. My manic mind needs a place to feel at ease.

I emailed the doctor in the Infertility clinic at my hospital asking for a recommendation. Sadly, they don't have personal relationship with any of the therapists there which is unfortunate. It seems that therapy and Infertility should go hand in hand to provide us with help should we need it. So it will be up to me to make that phone call. I've been meaning to do it for months and keep putting it off. But if we are going to give this another go, I need to get my head in the game and learn some coping mechanisms for the emotional roller coaster we are going to be on. 


Jen said...

I'm so sorry Michelle!

I was supposed to see a therapist when I was going through the stress and emotions of infertility (per my drs. rec), but never did it and regret it now. I think it would have definitely helped me deal with some of the emotions I'm now having in pregnancy (constantly worried about miscarriage; this is too good to be true; etc.). Now I'm trying to find a therapist and can't!! They are SOOO hard to come by. I've called three, none of which can take me during non-working hours. It's a bit frustrating, but at the same time reassuring since I know lots of other people are getting help. I just have to keep at it, but also find it hard to make the call. Especially to therapists I have no recommendation for.

It sucks you have to go through this and even though it's hard to imagine - someday your day will come!

Alison said...

Good luck!! I sought counseling after my second m/c... best thing I ever did for myself! Hope you find someone who can hear you and help!