Saturday, August 4, 2012

If at fifth you don't succeed....

On Friday July 27th, I started injecting myself with meds in preparation for a new fertility cycle. I was excited and optimistic. Mostly because after handing over some serious green for those meds, I felt like this HAD to work.

On Monday, I had my first check up and things were good. My next appointment would be Wednesday. I dropped my dosage down but it seemed like I was on track.

On Wednesday, things turned for the worse. The doctor was worried that I was over stimulated. They won't continue with the process if I was producing too many follicles for fear of becoming impregnated with multiples and/or suffering from Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome. That can be very dangerous. I asked if I could once again drop my dosage down and was told yes. I didn't think my chances were great because follicles rarely shrink. I had 4, 3 of decent size.

On Friday, I went back. I downloaded some meditation podcasts onto my phone and listened to them on the way to my appointment. I cried but tried to hold it together. It wasn't good news. I had 5 follicles. The doctor said "I think you know my answer." I held it together until he and the nurse left the room. I composed myself while walking into the waiting room so I didn't freak out the other two women sitting there.

But I couldn't hold it together for long. I cried during the 13 minute drive home. I decided to go to the gym instead of sitting at home and pouting.

I worked out. Hard. I finished a 50 minute video class that I'd been struggling to complete. And wouldn't you know: I walked out of that gym a new person. I felt good. The weight of the disappointment was gone. I had a bounce in my step.

I drove down to the store to get a bottle of wine. A guy walking out of the store said to me "wow, your face is red!" haha! I went to a nice dinner with my husband, watched the Olympics, drank wine and had a hilarious text message conversation with my friend Melissa that elevated my mood even more.

I slept until 8:30 this morning and took a 2 hour nap this afternoon. I made dinner and chocolate chip cookies. I refilled my wine glass.

Life goes on. It doesn't wait for anyone. I chose yesterday to ride the wave of life and not sit on shore and see it move on in front of my eyes. Money was lost. We didn't even get to try for our 7% chance at getting pregnant. It hurt.

But what would hurt more would be to close my eyes to all that I have. A constant reminder at how amazing my life is.

3 comments:

Patty said...

((hugs))

"V" said...

Great perspective and way to choose your attitude!

Brant and Amanda said...

Your doctor should have still done the procedure. Who cares if u get pregnant with multiples. Plus it's only a 7% chance and probably even less for multiples. Hope u guys tried on your own since u had all those follicles. I'm sorry u had to go through that.