Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Michelle on scary movies

I don't like being scared. I'm far too emotional to not react with tears if someone jumps out at me or sneaks up on me from behind. I'll scream and then I might cry. And then I'll hit you and verbally abuse you for a while. You had it coming, trust me.

Because of this, I don't like seeing scary movies. Creepy movies also fit into that category. I don't really like being on the edge of my seat knowing that I am going to jump 5 feet in the air when a person explodes out of the closet. It ain't my bag, baby. Or, even worse, being on the edge of my seat only to have that moment pass, I sit back and relax and then BOOM! Scary moment. Tears. I'm done.

But I know some people LIVE AND LOVE scary movies. Some people say that certain movies that I consider scary (The Grudge, Blair Witch Project) they consider hilarious and dumb. I thought Blair Witch Project was real, okay? And to this day, I can not watch it. Not even knowing it was fake. To me, that shiz was scary. The sound of the branches breaking at night? NO. The teeth tied up in the clothes? NO. The final scene with the dude in the corner and the girl just drops the camera? HELL NO. No NO NO. One time, I thought I could watch it again. It was daylight, there were commercials throughout the movie since it was on tv. I can do this, I thought. Its fake. Its totally dumb. How stupid, what a stupid movie....

I'm sure I turned it off and went to Target or something to get my mind off of it about 5 minutes in. Can't do it.

Chris and I sat in the theater watching The Grudge with 150 teenagers. We held a jacket halfway over our faces the entire time. I kept telling him that I hate scary movies and I don't know what I was doing there and that I wanted to leave.

I saw The Others in the theater too. That falls into the creepy category but there were only a few scenes that were flat out jump worthy. It was a really well done movie so I wouldn't mind watching that again. But it would need to be daylight and I couldn't be home alone.

Finally, let me sell out my husband and tell you about when he went to see Paranormal Activity. I put my foot down with this one. I know my limits and that movie is beyond my limits. He went with his brother to the late showing. I was asleep when he got home that night. He didn't come to bed for a while and in the morning, he told me that he had to stay up playing video games to take his mind off of it. Then, he finally went to bed and just sat there, with his eyes open, hearing and seeing things all night, freaked out. This is why I don't see scary movies, I told him. That sounds like a complete nightmare. He explained the movie to me and told me about how the lady in it just stands over her husband at night. I got chills just thinking about it. Of course, I demonstrated to him what that would look like by walking over to his side of the bed and standing there. He threatened divorce if I ever did that again.

The moral of this story is don't ever expect me to go to a scary movie. Ever. I don't care if it is the best movie ever made in the history of movies. I won't see it. Not a chance.

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