Friday, January 4, 2013

The War has Shifted

Are you guys aware of "Mommy Wars"? Mommy Wars are, as I understand them, alive and well online and at the playground/play dates/ school pick ups/etc.

"Sammy started reading at 2.5 years old. She is a genius."
"Really? Well Abby took her first steps at 6 months. Her doctor said it was very rare and that she is very advanced."
"Interesting. Drake has mastered playing the piano and he hasn't even been born yet so...."

Breast vs. bottle. Working mom vs. Staying at home. Disposable vs. cloth. I read my fair share of mommy blogs and see these wars brewing all the time. Since I'm not a mommy, I don't get into these. There are no non-mommy wars. If there were, they would sound like this:

"My shampoo is $35 a bottle and makes my hair literally turn into spun silk."
"My shampoo is $10 a bottle and my hair is certified gold. Actual gold."
"I don't even have to wash my hair and it is soft and bouncy and smells like fresh baked chocolate chip cookies.

 But lately, I have noticed that the Mommy Wars have shifted away from mom vs. mom. The Mom's have a new target. Non-moms. Specifically, how they are better/busier/poorer/more stressed/homebound/etc.

Oh, your house is messy because you have kids? My house is messy because I live in it.

Oh, you are tired because of your kids? I'm tired because I wake up at 5:00 a.m., commute 40 minutes to work, work 8 hours, commute 40 minutes home, go to the gym, cook dinner, pick up the house and go to bed. It is called life. We are all tired.

Oh, you are a mom so that makes you a teacher, nurse, coach, organizer, decorator, best friend, multitasker, wonder woman?

Me too. It is calling being alive. In the list of things that we are, we are all so many things. If my list doesn't include "mom" and yours does, I guarantee that my list has things that yours doesn't but that doesn't make me any better/busier/poorer/more stressed/homebound/etc.

This is life. We chose our paths (most of the time). If you decided to produce children, own it. Yes, it is  HUGE responsibility. HUGE. I am not doubting that for a second but to hear/read complaints about it and watch you exclaim about how you are so amazing because you are a mother is difficult. I am not less than. My family is not less than because it doesn't include kids and your family isn't better than mine because you do have kids.

Stop the Wars. I'd like to live in a world where we are all just going about our business, not drawing dividing lines, not giving ourselves labels and stepping down from the pedestals we have built for ourselves based on decisions we have made. Mom, non-mom....


1 comment:

Kimberly Michelle said...

Give peace a chance. :)