Thursday, May 16, 2013

A New Plan

This post, about a yellow room, wasn't complete. I didn't disclose everything we discussed that day.

Looking back at that entry, I can't believe it was nearly 3 months ago. Where has this year gone? Today, it is overcast with some rain drops so it actually feels like a regular winter day here in Northern California but summer is closing in fast and furious.

And before we know it, fall will be upon us and my shorts and maxi dresses will be packed away. I'll bring my sweaters back down from the rafters of my closet and start using our crock pot for meals once again.

And with one more blink, we will be in the throws of our next adventure....

IVF. In Vitro Fertilization, for those not in the know.

6 months ago (heck, 4 months ago) this was not an option. But things have changed. I had breakfast with a friend this past weekend. She isn't someone that I've ever spent time with one-on-one before but she said she wanted to meet for a meal and a chat. I wasn't sure what the topic of conversation would be but I had some ideas. She herself has dealt with the pain of infertility and wanted to see how I was doing. It was comforting talking to someone who can say, with completely honesty, "YES, I remember doing that too!" Oh the comfort of a shared experience.

I explained to her how I look back on the past 4 years and can't believe all we have been through. I never thought we would take the steps we have taken in order to have a baby and wasn't sure what our limit was. Many months ago, the thought of IVF wasn't on the table. To be honest, it was completely off the table. But over time, people changed and grow and come into their own thoughts and feelings about what life is like.

And so the conversation went something like this....

Person 1: "I don't feel right about spending all this money to go to Europe next year while we say we can't afford IVF."
Person 2: "I didn't think you wanted to do IVF?"
Person 1: "I've thought about it and I changed my mind. We should try what we can. I wouldn't feel right about stopping just short of something that is statistically a higher probability of working."
Person 2: "Well, I'm open to it."
Person 1: "Good. Let's plan on it. No Europe next year. We will do IVF."
Person 2: "Okay. So we will either have a baby, no money and no Europe OR no baby, no money and no Europe. Man, life will be either really awesome or really bleak!"

 That is the plan. Save money like crazy, get healthy physically and mentally and prepare to dive in head first into the world of needles, appointments, medicine, procedures, hopes and prayers.

4 months ago, I didn't know where our journey to become parents was headed. 4 months from now, we will be walking down a clear path and 4 months after that, the fate of our future will, most likely, already be decided.

As usual, I look forward to sharing this journey with you. Thank you for following along with me for all of these years, through the ups and downs of our struggle and challenges.


Kimberly Michelle said...


Anna said...

Will be thinking of you!

SLO Rober said...

This is such an emotionally fraught subject. Sending good thoughts your way.

Brant and Amanda said...

I am so excited for you. We are getting ready to go through another round of IVF in about 3 months. Have only told a few. This will be our last try. I'm here for you if you ever need to talk.

~M~ said...

This is exciting news! I hope everything goes perfectly!

Patty said...

Wishing for so much goodness for you and will obviously be pulling for you guys! Such a hard decision, I know.

runningonwords said...

Best wishes! That's such a hard choice to make, but it sounds like you are feeling really good about it.