Monday, October 21, 2013

Conflicted

It is hard to believe that I started this blog 5.5 years ago. I now have over 1,200 posts. I enjoy looking back at this written snapshot of my life and recalling memories that seem so far gone in my mind.

For much of the life of this blog, I documented coming to grips with being infertile. I wrote about our medical procedures, vented about those failing to work and addressed my inner most thoughts on the topic of Infertility. This blog was my therapy. During a time when I had to stop reading Mommy/Pregnancy blogs, I knew I could come to this space and spill my thoughts and be comforted with words of support.

I don't want to forget my struggle. I don't want to forget where I came from or what I went through. But I do want to write about my current life situation just as honestly as I wrote about planning my wedding or trying to get pregnant while dealing with obstacles.  And that is my conflict. I don't want people to say "oh, she got pregnant and now that is all she talks about. I can't connect to that at all."

If you feel that way, I hope you hear me out. I think I have a unique perspective to offer. Pregnant AFTER Infertility. And you will know that I had a visit with my therapist last week and plan on going again in December because pregnancy after infertility is tough. I want to write about that. I want to share what I've gone through and what I'm feeling. I want to tell you that I had to throw up in a public trash can while on a walk Saturday morning because my morning sickness hit me out of nowhere. I want to tell you that my first trimester consisted of me constantly squeezing my boobs to make sure they were still sore. I want to ask your advice and get your feedback.

But I also do not want to jeopardize anyone by making them feel left out. Or sad. Or shove in their face that some people get pregnant and others don't. That is not my mission. I've been there and that is not what my goal is for this blog.

I think my goal will be to create a balance. I can't please anyone but most importantly, I need to write what I feel comfortable writing so in another 5.5 years, I can look back and fondly remember this time in my life like I've been able to do with the past 5.5 years.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on the subject. As always, thanks for your support!

3 comments:

Amy said...

I think your situation is a little unique. Many of those who have struggled with IF forget and leave "us" readers out in the cold.
However, I know you want to blog about your PG and being a mom. I get that and you have every right because, well it is YOUR blog.
Maybe have a separate "family" post. You can still talk about your pregnancy and life as a mom.

I will be honest, given I am not going through IVF right this moment, seeing or hearing a PG announcement or even seeing a PG gives me mixed emotions.

I will still read your blog and I hope VERY soon and I can relate to life as Pregnant after Infertility.

AngieM. said...

i think you should write about what you want to write about. personally, i look forward to reading about your pregnancy and baby related posts. also, can't wait to see the first baby bump pic :)

Patty said...

Write about it all. Whatever you want. From my perspective, any reader of yours still struggling with IF knows the pain you've gone through, knows it hasn't all just disappeared now that you're pregnant, knows that you're sensitive and feel for those who are still struggling. Yours is the first pg announcement in a long, long time that honestly and truly came with no tinge of bitterness or jealousy. For me it's nothing but a wonderful beacon of hope, and (if you want to share) I will love following along on this whole journey with you.